Sharing a room with a sibling
Two children, one room, and you are picturing them waking each other all night. It usually works better than people expect, and the thing that makes it work is staggering bedtimes rather than trying to synchronise them.
4 min read
The fear is that one will wake the other. In practice children habituate to each other’s noise remarkably quickly, and after a week or two most sleep through sounds that would wake an adult in the same room.
What causes real problems is the falling-asleep window. That is when both children are at their lightest, and it is where almost all the disruption happens. Solve that and the night generally takes care of itself.
How to arrange it
Wait until the baby is sleeping reasonably. Room sharing guidance means the baby is with you for at least six months anyway. Moving in with a sibling before the nights are settled makes both children’s sleep worse.
Stagger the bedtimes by 30 to 45 minutes. Put the lighter sleeper down first, in the room, and bring the other in once they are asleep. This is the single most effective thing on the list.
Do the older child’s routine elsewhere. Books and stories in the living room or on the landing, so the room stays quiet and dull.
Use white noise for masking. At a safe level and well away from the cot. It covers one child’s stirring from the other.
Prepare the older one. Explain that the baby will cry, that it is normal, and that you will deal with it. Being woken and not knowing why is worse than being woken.
The first fortnight
Expect disruption for one to two weeks while both adjust. If the baby wakes at night, take them out of the room to settle if that is quicker - the aim in the first fortnight is to protect the older child’s sleep while everyone habituates.
Be careful not to make the older child responsible for the baby’s sleep, or resentful of it. If they are being genuinely disturbed night after night, a temporary move to another room - a mattress in your room, a sofa bed - for a few weeks is better than a month of accumulating frustration.
Children habituate to each other’s noise within a fortnight. What they do not habituate to is being put down at the same moment.
Safety in a shared room
The safe sleep rules for the baby do not change because there is a sibling in the room. The cot stays empty, and older children should not put toys, blankets or comforters into it - this is worth saying explicitly to a helpful three-year-old, more than once.
Bunk beds are not recommended for children under six, and a toddler should not sleep in the same bed as a baby.
When the baby wakes at night
For the first few weeks, take the baby out of the room to settle them if it is quicker. The priority early on is protecting the older child’s sleep while both children habituate; once they have, most siblings sleep through a fair amount of each other’s noise and you can stop.
It is also worth telling the older child in advance that the baby will cry at night, that it is normal, and that you will deal with it. Being woken by something you understand is much less disturbing than being woken by something you do not, and a three-year-old who has been told will often sleep through what would otherwise frighten them.
If it genuinely is not working
Give it a month before deciding. Habituation takes a fortnight for most children, and the first week is not representative of anything. But if after a month one child’s sleep is significantly worse - and particularly if the older one is struggling in the day as a result - separating them for a few months is sensible rather than a failure.
A mattress in your room, a sofa bed, or moving the baby back in with you for a while are all workable temporary arrangements. Children who cannot share at eight months frequently share happily at eighteen, and the second attempt usually goes better than the first.
When to stop troubleshooting
If either child’s sleep is significantly worse after a month, separate them for a while and try again in a few months. Persistent difficulty in the older child, particularly with daytime behaviour or mood, is worth raising with your health visitor or GP.
Want this worked out for your baby instead?
The quiz takes three minutes and asks about your nights, not just their age.
Take the 3-min quiz →General guidance, not medical advice. Your paediatrician's advice takes precedence.
